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Here are the best photos of Zeta from the city.

I think that I get better at photography.  Sometimes.

OK, so for about a week or two now, I have been drooling over photos produced by Holga’s - small Chinese toy cameras that capture really quite interesting images.  They are all plastic, have many light leaks, very few features, and yet the images they make are so fascinating to me.  Read about them here: 

• http://www.holgamods.com/ 
• http://www.apogeephoto.com/july2001/plastic_fantastic.shtml 
• http://shop.lomography.com/holga/ 
• http://squarefrog.co.uk/holga/
• http://www.toycamera.com/articles.html 

But then I began to read about 120 film, processing, developing, the chemicals, the costs of having a lab do it, and so on, and I got scared.  Also, there is a substantial cult following regarding the Holga, LOMO LC-A, Seagull, and other toy/cheap cameras, and (if you know me at all) I’m not one to jump on any bandwagon.   Then I got to thinking about what it is that I like about the Holga images.  Soft and surreal focus, vignetting, B&W of course…  Then it hit me - PINHOLE camera.  So I started to read about that: 

• http://photo.net/learn/pinhole/pinhole
• http://www.pinholephotography.org/
• http://www.pinhole.com/
• http://www.pinhole.org/
• http://www.lenoxlaser.com/pinholephotos/index.html 

Of course, I was convinced the whole film apparatus would be associated with that, until I realized that I could do DIGITAL PINHOLE!  Look at this: 

• http://www.lenoxlaser.com/shop_cart/index.html?target=dept_95.html&lang=en-us 

It’s just a body cap that you modify with a pinhole.  This Lenox Laser place makes them for the Olympus E series by special order, but they are $43.00.  I’m not paying $43.00 for a body cap with a hole in it.  And then I did some more research.  I can get a body cap for my Olympus Evolt E-500 off Ebay for (cross your fingers) about $6.  I can get brass shims somewhere (maybe Home Depot?) for next to nothing, and I just ordered some micro drill bits of the appropriate size from some place here in Florida for about $10.  I’m handy - I don’t need no stinking pre-made pinhole. 

I’m crossing my fingers.  Stay tuned for some damn good photographs…

The book: 14,000 things to be happy about by Barbara Ann Kipfer, 1990

The problem: I am confused/repulsed by a significant portion of the 14,000 things

Items 11-15

11. a small music box that plays The Blue Danube and a tune from La Traviata

Well, at least she is specific here.  Everybody knows that medium sized music boxes that play I Will Survivie by Gloria Gaynor suck.  I mean, those boxes are so yesterday.  How about a large music box that plays Sweating Bullets by Megadeath?  Now that would be cool.

12. moderation

OK, Aristotle, I will only cheat on tests in moderation.  (So the point is, moderation doesn’t always work.  Some things we should not do at all.  Moderation with regard to listening to N’SYNC makes me physically ill.  Also, do you want to have good health only in moderation?  I didn’t think so.)  Moderation about quite a few things is a great idea though.  OK, so I got a little nerdy on this one.

13. starting to make things happen

What a weird way to put it.  How about ‘making things happen.’  I just don’t understand what the ’starting’ part adds, other than perhaps she only likes to start things, but then doesn’t finish them.  That would, of course, be inconsistent with my idea of her, since she did start a bizarro list and continue it until she had 14,000 things on it.  Which I consider finished.

14. a baby’s first tooth

Wow, so she has never had kids.  A baby’s first tooth is not pleasant at all.  He or she will start biting things.  Actually, he or she will start biting everything.  He or she will be cranky, mean, fussy, and all kinds of nasty for at least a month before the clear presence of the first tooth.  Then, while breastfeeding, mom will yell out in pain as the tooth punctures very sensitive skin.

15. teakettles

This one makes me sick to my stomach.  This is the worst of the first fifteen.  I’m supposed to get excited about a teakettle?  What am I, British?  I don’t like tea.  Why not put ’spoons’ on the list as something to make a person happy.  Or ’slimy frog skin.’  Or ‘yellow bolts holding together a fence in Ireland.’  Those aren’t good ideas for the list.  Neither is ‘teakettles.’

The book: 14,000 things to be happy about by Barbara Ann Kipfer, 1990

The problem: I am confused/repulsed by a significant portion of the 14,000 things

Items 6-10

6. sweet fresh corn and tender baby green lima beans, drenched with cream

What can I say?  I don’t like corn.  I don’t like lima beans.  I don’t have the same metabolism as I did when I was 18, so I try to steer clear of anything drenched in cream.  And so should you.

7. the “snuggle right in” feeling

I’m not even sure what this means.  Is the “snuggle right in” feeling the same as the “putting warm clothes on when you are cold” feeling?  Or is it the “sliding your arm into the cavity on the side of a cow while studying veterinary science at WSU” feeling?  (For those of you who don’t know, there were cows at WSU with a hole on their side where you can slide your arm into an inverted glove inside their guts.  It was yucky, and dad liked to make sure and point out those special cows everytime we drove by.)

8. a lake catching the last flecks of sunlight coming over the pines

Pines?  That is the best she could come up with?  Not oak, or chestnut, or cherry, or fir?  Plus, the last flecks of sunlight means that it will be dark soon.  You are in the middle of nowhere, with nothing to eat, and it is almost dark.  And I’m pretty sure Jason lived in the woods near a lake.  Crystal Lake.

9. the position of your head as you bite into a taco

OK!  This one I like.

10. shadows cast by shutters against shiny white walls

Shiny white walls?  I think it is time to either hire an interior decorator, or develop some sort of design sense - then paint the walls a more interesting color.  And why does it have to be shadows cast by shutters?  Why not shadows cast by a Coke can, or by an iguana, or by a very large shark tooth?  I suppose she is just saving those for later.  If there is another ‘thing’ in this list of 14,000 that starts out ’shadows cast by…,’ then I am not going to be pleased.

It isn’t a list of 14,000.  It isn’t a list of 20.  5 things, in no particular order:

1. Smiles not associated with evil acts or thoughts.
2. Well taken photographs with pleasing content.
3. Beer.
4. Appropriate love.
5. A delicious meal that you labor over more than usual.

And after thinking about what to put on this list, I’ve realized that there really aren’t that many things to be happy about.  But the things that do (read: should) make us happy are just so freaking good, it is enough for a lifetime.

I’m still going to critique the 14,000 book, however.  The next installment of Bash the Book - Tuesday.

The book: 14,000 things to be happy about

The author and year: Barbara Ann Kipfer, 1990

The problem: I am confused/repulsed by a significant portion of the 14,000 things

Items 1-5

1. A stream-of-consciousness list

Wow, talk about self promotion here.  She sat down and wrote a stream of consciousness list, and lo and behold that is the first of the 14,000 things.  I’m pissed off right at the beginning.

2. pajamas at breakfast

Nice?  Yes.  But not worth noting, most of the time.  Plus, there are plenty of people that wouldn’t want to wear their pajamas at breakfast.  Take Zeta, for example.  Let’s say her diaper leaks, and her pajamas have pee on them.  Yuck!  As if she now wants to lounge around at breakfast, eating while sitting in a pool of her own pee.

3. reed-fringed lagoons

This one depends on your point of view.  Are you viewing the reeds and lagoon from the comfort of a large pontoon boat with a cooler full of Natural Ice?  Or are you in the reeds?  Because let me tell you, algae and stagnant water yield big smells.  And the bugs!  My God, the bugs!  (Oh, and in Florida, that is a prime location for alligators.)

4. seeing the moon rise

Well, how much of the rise do you need to see?  It would be nice for a couple of minutes, but after that, BORING.

5. the feel of a rug under bare feet

So long as the rug is clean, on a cold day.  Glass is broken in my house quite a bit, and rugs hide glass shards rather better than hardwood floors.  Nothing like the feel of glass cutting into your tender feet skin while the rug soaks up the blood.

 

So the Hanowell kids like chocolate.  They didn’t get it from me.

I realize I am a dork in many ways, but do you think it is strange that I strongly want to purchase these shirt and tie sets from Amazon?  Just think of the way the shirts would look hanging in the closet - it is like getting an entirely new wardrobe for a hundred bucks. 

OK, I’ve had quite a busy beginning to the year, so there have been no posts in quite some time.  I have a plan to remedy that situation, and it is nearly ready.  The plan is quite extensive, rigorous, and encompassing.  OK, really I’m just going to make fun of a ‘book’ that I think is idiotic.  But perhaps I can come up with something else.