Critique - Part 3
posted in For World, For Kids, For Robin |The book: 14,000 things to be happy about by Barbara Ann Kipfer, 1990
The problem: I am confused/repulsed by a significant portion of the 14,000 things
Items 11-15
11. a small music box that plays The Blue Danube and a tune from La Traviata
Well, at least she is specific here. Everybody knows that medium sized music boxes that play I Will Survivie by Gloria Gaynor suck. I mean, those boxes are so yesterday. How about a large music box that plays Sweating Bullets by Megadeath? Now that would be cool.
12. moderation
OK, Aristotle, I will only cheat on tests in moderation. (So the point is, moderation doesn’t always work. Some things we should not do at all. Moderation with regard to listening to N’SYNC makes me physically ill. Also, do you want to have good health only in moderation? I didn’t think so.) Moderation about quite a few things is a great idea though. OK, so I got a little nerdy on this one.
13. starting to make things happen
What a weird way to put it. How about ‘making things happen.’ I just don’t understand what the ’starting’ part adds, other than perhaps she only likes to start things, but then doesn’t finish them. That would, of course, be inconsistent with my idea of her, since she did start a bizarro list and continue it until she had 14,000 things on it. Which I consider finished.
14. a baby’s first tooth
Wow, so she has never had kids. A baby’s first tooth is not pleasant at all. He or she will start biting things. Actually, he or she will start biting everything. He or she will be cranky, mean, fussy, and all kinds of nasty for at least a month before the clear presence of the first tooth. Then, while breastfeeding, mom will yell out in pain as the tooth punctures very sensitive skin.
15. teakettles
This one makes me sick to my stomach. This is the worst of the first fifteen. I’m supposed to get excited about a teakettle? What am I, British? I don’t like tea. Why not put ’spoons’ on the list as something to make a person happy. Or ’slimy frog skin.’ Or ‘yellow bolts holding together a fence in Ireland.’ Those aren’t good ideas for the list. Neither is ‘teakettles.’
